friendship

This has just been on my mind a lot lately- it is not at all adoption related.  It's more of a vulnerable honest from  my heart and experience blog that I think someone out there needs to read.

Friendship.

 The last 7 years has been a very lonely time in my life.  A time where I thought I had friends, but didn't.  I mean- I had one or two, but at the time I thought I had more.  I thought I had friends who were really truly going to stand by my side through thick and thin, but I was deceived.  Those years were also some of the hardest- new motherhood, cancer, starting an adoption, etc.  God had a reason for that time in my life.  Looking back in retrospect I can see everything I learned about friendship and being a true friend to someone else.  I can look back and see my mistakes. I have also apologized to those people I was not a true friend to.  That is the right thing to do- I can not make them forgive, but I did what God wanted me to do.  I also learned that I have one true friend who will never leave my side- and that's God.  I learned to lean on him and to talk to him about my problems.  It was a much needed lesson. I have prayed for 7 years for a true friend- one who would last a lifetime.  I am happy to say over the course of this year that God has brought those amazing women into my life- the women who are not afraid to speak the truth- even if it hurts at the time. The women who pray for me daily and really want to know what is going on.  The women I can be 100% honest and vulnerable with and know that I'm safe.  It's not superficial relationships where we're just together for a good time.  We have a great time together, but there's a much deeper bond there.  That is what I have been longing for- for such a long time.  God knew I needed to learn how to treat friendship and that I needed to learn that He should be the first one I run to before He brought those women into my life. 

For some of us, friendship is something that is hard to come by.  Well- true friendship is I guess.  I know many of us don't want to admit that maybe we aren't/weren't a true friend to someone, but I can admit I wasn't.  I can admit I have given up on relationships more in the past then I have attempted to fight for them.  I can admit I have been in some very unhealthy friendships just b/c I was seeking true friendship.  I have been taken advantage of by people more than I can count, I have been let down, I have been gossiped about by "friends", I have been stabbed in the back, I have been completly ignored after a long period of what I thought was true friendship. It sucks to be on the receiving end of a fake friendship.  It sucks to feel close to someone who you find out didn't feel the same way.  It sucks to be vulnerable and open with someone to have them just walk away like you never existed.

In my experience its seems that circumstances seem to ruin the friendship- the other person feels offended at something you say, the other person feels guilty about their lifestyle, you feel offended at what they tell you or maybe you're living in sin and feel guilty being around others.  But why can't we as women get past stuff like that?  I feel like in our modern society we really lack communication skills.  It's easier to read something that someone wrote and take it the wrong way- then just get mad and say "forget you".  It's easier for us to read a text or a FB status and make it personal- and then walk away.  I know I have read stuff and taken it the wrong way or read a status and made it personal. But thats when we go to the person and clarify.  That's when we say "you know- I read your text to mean (this), but I don't want to assume that's what you meant.  Is there something we need to talk through? Did I read this wrong? And if not- I'm sorry if I made you feel...

Why do we give up so easily?  I had a pattern of giving up when I was in my 20's.  If someone was doing something I didn't agree with- I gave up.  If someone offended me I replayed the offense in my mind over and over and over again and just built up resentment for that person, whether that offense was real or imagined.  That is not what we are to do as Christians- the Word says in 2nd Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." It's a hard thing to do, to take every thought captive.  It's something I have been working on.  When the enemy attacks us with insecurities or wrong thoughts- we need to counter that with scripture and make the thought obedient to Christ.  We need to remind ourselves what the truth is.  We need to believe God and what he says about us.  We need to believe what God says about others too!  When we're thinking, "that person is just hateful and evil" we need to remember what God sees.

Just a few examples:

But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus (Romans 3:24).

 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace (Ephesians 1:7).

They are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps139:14)

They are the apple of His eye (Ps 17)

There are MANY MANY more examples in the bible- like I said- these are just a few.  

How different our friendships would be if we allowed grace over judgement, if we truly saw others the way God sees them.  What a difference our life would be in general.  Lets start loving others and giving others the grace that God has alloted to us.

I know this isn't any kind of profound post- this is not anything you don't already know in general, but I just really feel that someone out there needs to be reminded.  Reminded that God will provide those friends you long for.  God loves you and He longs for you to have real relationship with others.  Keep your chin up and keep pressing on. 

just some of my fav quotes on friendship:

"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship."
- Proverbs 24:26

"A friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy puts his hand round your shoulder - watch out!"
- Proverbs 27:6 

 "A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses."
- Proverbs 27:19  

"Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company."
- George Washington (1732 - 1799) US Statesman. 

 "The friendship that can cease has never been real."
- Saint Jerome 

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannogt congeal in winter."
- James Fenimore Cooper