A challenge to moms of girls...

So this is something that is just on my heart and mind today.  I keep thinking it over and thinking it over, and I have come to the conclusion- that it's up to us as moms of girls to fix this issue.

Look at these pics- what feelings do you have? Do these pics sadden you?  They should...

 Cliques. 

As i was at church today for the VBS program i was watching the older girls- b/c one of my daughters is an older girl. I watched a the clique form.  Some would call them just groups of friends, and i agree, they are groups of friends.  BUT when it becomes an "us 4 and no more" mentality and attitude- it is no longer just a group of friends.  As I watched the groups and I saw some girls sitting to the side and watching the "popular" girls with a sad look on their face, I seriously felt like crying.  Some of these girls don't go to our church, some of these girls don't have many friends b/c they're not as outgoing as the "popular" girls.  So they're overlooked.  The cliques are so involved in themselves that they don't even notice the ones sitting on the outside just waiting for someone to talk to them and start a friendship. It's just plain sad. 

So I was thinking about it, how many times do we as women do this same thing?  How many times do we walk around with the mindset that I have my friends and I'm content in that.  I know I have.  I know I have also been on the flip side.  Included in a group and then suddenly excluded for whatever reason.  I have seen many a clique even in the adult crowd.  We need to ask ourselves- is that how Jesus was?  Did He say "I got my 12 disciples, I don't need anyone else"?  Ummmm.... NO!  In fact he paid the most attention to the outcasts- to the overlooked.  If we want to show our girls how to be more like Jesus each day- why are we not modeling this for them?  Imagine what a better world this would be if there were no cliques.  No young girls walking around with snotty attitudes and an "I'm better than you" mentality.  WHAT IF... everyone felt included?  WHAT IF... we abolished the term "outsiders"? WHAT IF... we got rid of the title of "popular"?  Wouldn't our world be a much friendlier place?  Wouldn't we have a whole lot less violence and behavioral issues b/c the "outsiders" wouldn't be seeking out attention as they get older? Instead they would be content in who they are, affirmed in who God created them to be? *now I'm not saying be best friends with everyone, but you can be friendly with everyone. Yes- you have your friends who you know you can trust, and you know who you can't. I'm not saying share your life secrets with every person.

I think it comes down to us as moms.  You don't see this behavior in many boys, it's a "girl thing".  You hear "that's just how girls are".  I personally don't have many girl friends b/c we (woman gender in general) tend to be petty, catty, easily offended, gossipy, and cliquish. We are modeling this to our girls.  Like it or not, our girls watch us when we don't know they are.  They watch us to see what a woman of God looks like.  They listen to us talk on our phones behind our closed doors- talk about others, talk about what we're unhappy with, just talk talk talk.  What are we modeling?  Godly behavior or worldly?  Are we teaching them to be friendly to everyone?  To be welcoming to people?  To be the hands and feet of God?  Or are we teaching them to shut others out, to be rude (even unintentionally), to be self absorbed and self seeking?  Think about the society we are raising them in- one with movies such as "popular" "Mean Girls", dolls like Bratz- which is a clique, books that encourage the popular kids vs the outsiders.  Even adult tv shows like "housewives of..." pick your city at this point, where it's glorified that "we're better that you" to each other on the show! We need to go against this!

I don't know about you, but I am going to strive to teach my daughters to be the ones who look for the overlooked.  To befriend those who are lonely.  To reach out to those who are shy.  Teach them to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Sometimes all someone needs is just 1 friend.  What a privilege God gives us to be able to be the hands and feet of Him, and how often we overlook that.  So I challenge you moms of girls- lets step up and change the coming generation of women.  Lets teach them that being a gossip, being clique-y, ignoring people, and being self absorbed is sinful.  Lets teach the future women of the world to be more like Jesus in this area that is so often not talked about.  Lets change the world! Who's in?


Here's something I found to ring VERY true- even in adulthood.  And again- it saddens me. 

"Clique is not a noise you make with your fingers. What is a clique? Girls really hate the word. Ask any group of fourth grade girls and they will tell you: “we don’t have cliques, we have clubs.” Ask any fourth grade boy and they will tell you: ” it’s a group of girls who think they are better than other girls and they won’t let them in the group. They have like all these rules on clothes, hair, who you play with…like that. They like to call them clubs, but it’s the same thing.”
Cliques have been around for a long time. They are a group of girls who follow one girl. Rules, both spoken and unspoken dictate the membership and behavior of the group. Some girls are in, others are out. If you are the on the outside, you know you are definitely out. You may not know why, but you know. There is nothing more painful for a girl than to be left out of the group. So, why is it a problem for girls to have a group or “club”?
A clique is one aspect of a type of bullying referred to as “Relational Aggression”. This term encompasses bullying done primarily by females and includes: exclusion, passing notes, taunting, verbal intimidation, texting, cyberbullying, passing rumors and manipulation.
Rosalind Wiseman has done a great deal of research on the subject. In her book Queen Bees and Wannabes (Three Rivers Press, 2002), Wiseman likens the clique to a beehive. One girl sets the rules and is referred to as the queen bee. All of her helper bees also have identifiers. Whenever I discuss cliques as part of a workshop on relational aggression, it definitely hits a nerve. Whether the girl is seven or seventy, city or suburb, pubic school or private, they all have a story about where they fit in the “hive” and how it felt to be in that position. I have yet to have anyone admit to being a “queen bee”, but then again, they don’t generally come to workshops on relational aggression unless they are school children. Then they just sit quietly and roll their eyes at me and tell me they “don’t have cliques, just clubs”." http://www.bullyingeducation.org/2011/09/21/relational-aggression-part-1-the-clique/