I have been a fan of JJ Heller since her song Your Hands came out during my battle with cancer. Love her writing. This song- What love really means- came out in 2010 I believe. Before we even started our journey of adoption. The song made sense, but I don't think I really GOT it until a week ago. I cry when I hear the verse "He cries in the corner where nobody sees, he's the kid with a story no one would believe. He prays every night, dear God won't you please, would you send someone here who would love me. Who will love me for me. Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me, cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means."
I thought I got that. I thought I understood the "who will love me for me" part. Until last week. I really thought about it. I thought about my frustrations at the struggles we have and the undoing of orphanage behaviors we have to do b/c of Pasha's first 5 years. And I realized- I don't get it. I don't love Pasha for who he is- right now. Right now he's hurting, he's struggling, he's dare I say it, "damaged" right now. And I think to myself, in a few years we'll be past this. He'll be "normal". What the heck is normal anyways? Nobody's normal! This song had new meaning to me. "Not for what I have done or WHAT I WILL BECOME". I need to stop focusing on what Pasha might be some day, and love him for who he is today. I need to love him for him, right in this moment. I need to love him through this. I have been intentional about doing this, this last week and he's been doing great. I need to lower my expectations to what he can do RIGHT NOW. Not live in the future, but be here, in the present. Thank you JJ Heller for writing this song. And thank you God for revealing this truth to me. I need to love all my children for who they are right now, knowing that they are, just as I and everyone else is, a work in progress. We won't fully be who God created us to be until He returns. I just read that this morning. "And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6. I will extend more love, more grace and start remembering "who will love me for me"
No comments:
Post a Comment